My first words after the procedure were “did I really agree to this?” the recovery has not been fun, but I have made slow progress. I started out feeling like I’d been impaled with a rusty sword. By the second week I was upgraded to “beaten and left for dead.” This week I’ve progressed to “punched in the mouth and kicked in the groin.”

The house of horrors list of complications detailed in dry legalese on the consent form didn’t begin to capture exactly how unpleasant the post-op recovery would be. It failed to mention a few key details, like abdominal edema that would cause me to grow a set of large painful purple squirrel nuts (it’s really disconcerting to look down and see what looks like someones else’s junk), or the fact that I’d be unable to to perform the most basic personal hygiene tasks or dress myself or anything about how it feels to have back cramps right at the center of the 4 back incisions.

They often ask you about your pain level while in hospital. The nurse would ask “what’s your pain level on a scale of one to ten with one being no pain and ten the worst pain you ever you ever felt?” the post-op back cramps were a new ten for me. Acute gallbladder attack, you had a good nine year run as champion, but post-op back cramps you are the new undisputed champ. There truly are no words to do justice to it.

Coming home was something of relief. There was nothing more healing than watching our three year old and her Mom chase bubbles in the yard. You just can’t get the nurses to do that!

Getting the right support at home was something of a botch job. They failed to order a hospital bed until after the long Thanksgiving weekend. It would have been useful but not 5 days after I’d been home. There was also a problem with pain medication. I saw I was going to run out during the Thanksgiving holiday, but the on-call doctor was unable to call in the high powered medication I was using. Instead I got Tylenol 3, which is more suited to toothaches than it is for back surgery. That will definitely suck the life out of your holiday weekend.

One more thing about pain management and the medications used. I simply can’t understand how anyone derives an pleasure at all from the opiates. In hospital I had a PCA pump (patient controlled analgesic) at first. It has a button to press to deliver a small metered dose of Dilaudid with an hourly limit to prevent overdose. This sounds pretty good until you realize that it’s short acting and the pain would come back within an hour. It guarantees you will sleep no more than an hour at a time. After one day of that I asked to get switched to oral medication which lasts longer, but has nasty side effects like stomach upset, constipation and itchy skin when it begins to wear off. What’s not to love right? I hear some folks are wired differently and get a feeling of warmth and pleasure that predisposes them to opiate abuse. I’m not one of them, I’d make a lousy drug addict.

They used a bone growth hormone and bone mulch to fill the spaces where the discs used to be. My lower spine was basically glued, then clamped with what look like 2 1/2 inch wood screws, some rods and spacers. As the bone growth hormone works it causes a certain amount of inflammation, which because of the proximity to nerves causes a dull ache down both legs. I’m told that it may take three months to resolve itself. Meanwhile I’m on short term disability thru the end of the year. After that’s up I’ll work from home for a while before eventually returning to the office.

At this point I’m getting around pretty well, albeit much like an 85 year old woman with osteoporosis. The odd part is I can feel the rods in my back as I lay down. It makes it difficult to find a comfortable position at night. I still tire rather easily and I don’t believe I’ve slept through a night since the surgery. I get cold like a little old lady, which is very unusual for me. All in all I’m feeling better, but it’s been slower than I’d imagined it would be. Prior to surgery I thought six weeks off was excessive. I’m beginning to think I may need more time.

I’m fortunate to have a good benefits package through work that provides the disability policy and salary continuation at no cost to me, as well as a relatively generous medical policy. I was only required to pay $200 in cost sharing for surgery, including home health services, physical and occupational therapy visits. I’m sure the total cost will be something in the six figure range. I’m also fortunate to have a wonderful wife whose love and support made this whole ordeal bearable.

Hopefully the eventual outcome will make all of this worthwhile. Someone asked me if I thought it was worth it, I replied “ask me in a year.” I think that sounds about right.

I’m a military vet from the south and one would think I’m predisposed to support Republicans. I think I did vote for Reagan once in 1983 after he gave the military a nice little pay raise, as I was active duty then. Yet I find I have little tolerance for most of what they preach these days. Not that I think Democrats are joy to behold.

I’ve been gravely disappointed by the Obama administration in many ways. I think they’ve been wrong to support Bush era positions on Presidential powers and the state secrets doctrine. I had really hoped better from a former constitutional law professor. He’s consistently gave away too much in pursuit of imaginary bipartisanship, often sacrificing progressive goals and good policy in false hopes of GOP support. Giving the opponent everything you can isn’t a very good opening ploy in negotiations. Health care reform, the stimulus package and financial regulation have all been excessively diluted in the same way.

Yet I find I can’t muster the will to vote Republican. So I ask myself, why is that? I guess at the heart of it this really comes down to my education. I have a B.A. in public policy, which means that I did significant course work in political science, economics, history and philosophy.  I did graduate work in public health with course work in epidemiology and bio-statistics. I find that the work in economics and statistics to be particularly valuable in parsing the arguments I hear made in pursuit of policy goals. I benefited from going to a very good college that actually expected you to read source material and then write intelligent, well argued papers. Actual thinking was valued. I had one teacher who was an adherent of the Socratic method. He asked questions designed to cause you to question your assumptions and occasionally to publicly eviscerate the unprepared.

I value good policy and intelligent arguments. I become annoyed when I see policy sacrificed to political expediency. I become angry when I hear people simply lie about basic facts. To quote Daniel Patrick Moynihan, “Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.”

This is what annoys me about the modern GOP. They ignore basic economics. They care little about what’s good policy, but care greatly about good politics. They have a visceral dislike intellectual elites and have more or less discarded any real rigorous analysis in favor outright bullshit carefully crafted by a small universe of  “think tanks” populated by former members of the party, right leaning pundits and a few pet economists.

They seems to believe that catering to the basest instincts of the far right fringe is a path to greatness. They embrace religious intolerance, mindless jingoism and sort neurotic nationalism that defies common sense. They ignore outright racism and hate from their own as somehow understandable. They embrace personalities over substance, cleaving to people like Palin, Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity and Levin as if they were policy gurus instead of loutish entertainers. As long as someone cursorily salutes the flag and babbles mindlessly about God and Country all manner of ugliness can be ignored. They brought us Nixon, Bush, Carl Rove, Dick Chenney, the Southern Strategy, an Imperial Presidency and endless war.

Let me say a bit more about the economics, because I feel this is more important than the politics of identity, hypocrisy or personalities. I hear the GOP leadership say things like “we don’t have to offset tax cuts” presumably because they believe that they pay for themselves. Any self respecting economist will tell that is simply wrong in our current situation.  It was created by an supply side economist, Art Laffer (a technical argument about how a reduction of tax rates from extremely high levels can increase tax revenue but, moving from 36-39% won’t have that effect.) and distorted endlessly by Republican leaders.  The math isn’t suspended simply because you believe it to be true.  You can’t fly and there is no magic Pixie dust that will make it so.

Extending the Bush tax cuts at a cost of $3.9 trillion over 10 years is less effective economic stimulus than equivalent direct spending in the same amount. Both will have the same impact on the deficit . The spending might ultimately have greater impact on the deficit reduction by virtue of the effects greater economic stimulation on tax receipts. Why would this be so? Because the Bush tax cut are disproportionally skewed to benefit highest income brackets with the greatest benefit to the top 0.1% of the income distribution. You only need so many mansions, yachts  and sports cars. The wealthy have a much greater propensity to save the additional income than those in lower tax brackets, that’s not very stimulative.  It might be if there were a lack of liquidity in the economy, but that’s not the case. Interest rates are very nearly and effective zero rate. Cash is sloshing around the monetary system, but demand remains depressed. Corporate American is flush with cash reserves. We’re in a classic liquidity trap.

If you were to spend the money improving access to health care, on public works projects, direct benefits to those most impacted by the recession, aid to states or in improving education, that would be money spent quickly that would then create jobs and loosen up demand. If the public works projects are done wisely on needed infrastructure it would have some lasting benefits.

This doesn’t fit the Republican talking points and doesn’t benefit their patrons at the top of the income distribution. It’s waived away with election year promises to cut spending and reduce taxes. Cutting spending now would be folly and cause further economic contraction. Top bracket tax cuts were covered above. Does the GOP know any other kind? A targeted tax credit to lower income brackets would be stimulative, as that would be spent immediately rather than squirreled away. The GOP are not fans of that idea, it’s damned as welfare.

Sadly, many “mainstream” Democrats embrace GOP tripe because of the truthiness of the arguments. It’s cumbersome to explain that we’re in a liquidity trap and that the rules that govern household budgets aren’t applicable to the federal government. It’s far easier to say the government should cut spending and taxes in hard times because families have to do the same, but it’s a false equivalency. The federal government can create liquidity to some extent (but it’s not free), households can’t. Economically sound policy would be to run a surplus during good times, to allow the flexibility to respond effectively without creating massive deficits when the inevitable downturn happens. But some fool gave the last surplus away in tax cuts favoring the wealthy years ago, leaving nothing but deficits and wars in his wake.

Kitchen Remodel

Three years later and I’m still working on it. I do stuff on weekends, when I have both the time and money. My aversion to taking on debt to do this kitchen relocation has really slowed it down. But, I must say I am happy I didn’t take the bait 4 years ago when a mortgage broker was telling me the house value was $335k. I think $180-200K is in the ballpark for the current market. Even with a sharp drop in value my mortgage is still right side up with equity left. And there it shall stay until I’m ready to put this house on the market or possibly re-fi to lower the term of the loan. That’s at least several years off.

In any case, I’ve saved at least $15K by doing most of the work myself. I had several estimates from various local construction/remodeling companies that ran from $28k to $42k. I’ll be a little over $10k all in, mostly for materials, plus some extra to complete the rest of the work. Since I did the bulk of the labor myself I was able to afford better appliances and granite counter tops. I’ve paid for professional help with the wiring and called on friends and family with the needed skills for help with various carpentry and plumbing tasks that were above my skill level. I’ve made a few mistakes along the way, but overall I’m very happy with the results and the new larger kitchen, living room and open floor plan. It was sort of like an old-fashioned barn raising in slow motion where friends come over and help.

Here’s what we have left to do in the new kitchen:

• Crown molding
• Back splash
• Ceiling light fixtures and ceiling fan
• Over and under cabinet lights.

We have the ceiling boxes already installed in the kitchen for two track light systems, a ceiling fan, a dining room pendant and another pendant for the breakfast bar. We haven’t made the final choice, but some stuff at IKEA is looking good and priced right. The cabinet lighting wiring is roughed in, I just need to add the outlet box and plug and hide the wiring to the the under cabinet puck style lights.

That leaves the molding and back splash. I already have the molding material, I just need to motivate myself to do it. The back splash is more problematic since all style choices are referred to the boss (aka “the wife”) and she has not yet made a final choice. Plus, for some inexplicable reason, back splash tile is expensive! I got ceramic floor tile for $0.67/sq.ft., the back spalsh tile runs $10/sq. ft. and higher.

If you live outside the Tampa Bay area, be thankful because I probably would have talked you into coming over and helping out.

Big thanks to all who did help!

1. You have to be at least as high as Paula Abdul.
2. It must be recorded to allow fast forwarding through they inane chatter, “touching” personal stories and out right bad singing, or about 90% of the show content.

If done right you can rip through a 2 hour episode in 15-20 minutes! Many contestants sound better muted anyway.

Now I have to contemplate a replacement for it. I want a Macbook but they’re so expensive. I could build a Windows desktop for myself, but we’ve gotten to like having the laptop in different places around the house. Maybe a Mac Mini, they’re a bit more cost effective.  I’m still undecided…

The breathing tube used to try to resuscitate Maria was still in place and filled with her dried blood. They really should remove those and the IV lines before letting the family in. It seemed unnecessarily cruel to have all the accoutrements of medical failure still surrounding her after death. It’s been difficult weekend as arrangements have been negotiated, made and paid for. After the ordeal at the funeral home all I can say is make your wishes know and get a pre-need plan. It’s an added burden for those who remain to try guess what a realtive might have wanted.

The funeral is this Wednesday ay 12:30 PM at Stower’s Funeral Home in Brandon, FL. We will have a family gathering, as is our custom, afterwards. We try to remember the good times and share our tears and gather what comfort family and friends can bring at times like theses.

Hold close those that you love, while you can…

Sophia in action, she accidentally gets her pacifier balanced on her nose and doesn’t know what to do next. It’s so cute I had to post it.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=P2N97RkGcTA

I suffered through stifled snickers while reading this at work. I’m not sure what was funnier, description of McLaughlin’s hazing a new gopher, or the immediate imagery it conjured of monkey behavior on a Discovery Channel re-run. I am sure I didn’t want to explain to my co-workers what I was reading…

After putting some coffee on and brushing my teeth I came back into the bedroom. My wife was sleeping with our 2 week old daughter at her breast. I watched them for a few minutes and was grateful for being able to wake up next such a wonderful woman. This is what love is really about.

She made her debut Thursay 8/9/2007 at 6:26 PM. She weighed in at 6 lbs and 7 oz and 19.5 in. Welcome to the world daughter, we’ll try to make it a little better…

I’m scared, will the rivers run with blood now? Are toads falling from the sky? This must surely be a sign of the impending apocolypse.

Will be presenting the family with baby boy in mid-August!!!! Now we just need a standing order for Din Sum at Ho Ho Choy’s Chinese restaurant in North Tampa.

Pictures from the ultrasound to follow! I love you sweetie!

Update: Here the link to the ultrasound pictures:

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She’s 3 months along and the baby is 8 cm long. This is why I find politics compelling. The stupidity of today will have an impact on those who come after us.

You live on the edge, and you live for the adrenaline rush. You don’t need luxuries, snob appeal, or superfluous gadgets. You put your top down, get your motor revving, and take all the curves that life throws at you at full speed. So what if you spin out occasionally?

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

I don’t ask for much. I was hoping I had found someone that I could trust, give my heart to and feel safe. It doesn’t feel that way right now. There are moments when I feel a “fuck off” uncompromising white hot alpha male anger and just want to slowly kill her with a pair of eyebrow tweezers. And then seconds later, there are times when the voice of the thirteen year old in my head asks tearfully. “why doesn’t she love me.” God damn it I hate feeling that naked vulnerability then feeling like I’ve been fucked over, again.

I just don’t like it when someone goes out of their way to hurt me. I make my mistakes and I can admit them. But I don’t try to be hurtful.

“1491 : New Revelations of the Americas Before Columbus”

“Confessions of an Economic Hit Man”

I recommend both. 1491 was an interesting look at the history of the Americas prior to the landing of Columbus in 1492. It attacks the notion that the Americas were a wilderness, untouched by man and sparsely populated.

“Confessions of an Economic Hit Man” was a tell all confessional from a economist for a multinational engineering firm on the tactics the US businesses use to manipulate other nations. It’s very pertinent to the situation in Iraq and Venezuela today.